I am a born again Christian, When I first gave my life away to Christ I had this fire for him, and I’ve lost that over the course of my journey finding myself and falling for a non-believer.
I was un-evenly yoked with someone who didn’t believe in the cross or the sacrifice. I believed so dearly that I could change him, if only he saw Christ in me he would change. I have prayed and hoped for a future together burning in the worship of Jesus. Instead I lost myself in the ungodly world. I have drifted away from Christ the word and his love. Although I had morals and love for Christ I started to make up excuses for sinning.
It came to a time when life got really hard, and I would sit back and wonder what have I done? I am unworthy to pray because I have sinned greatly against Christ. What do I do now? So I locked myself away not speaking to God anymore. I felt guilty and felt undeserving of the love of Christ.
His love is unfailing, I remember one night I went for a long drive after a fight with my then significant other. As I was driving and tears pouring down my eyes I heard the Lords voice, He said “Let him go, and I will show you a new life and someone deserving of your love.”
For days I wondered about the message the Lord has given me, even dreamt of Jesus coming to me giving me visions that I’m on the wrong path with the wrong man. Of course at that time I didn’t want to listen and ignored his messages because I wanted to believe things will get better and If had a godly enough love that I can endure the hurt and pain and he will change. As days turned to weeks to months, I knew that one day my relationship would end with my then significant other, something felt missing but I wasn’t ready to let go.
Then the day came when it was finally over, as I sat there and begged for this man to stay to work things out…. he left. I remember sitting there crying, hyperventilating not eating for days. Wondering why, why, why. Blaming myself for everything. Even though he was the one who hurt me, betrayed me, used me. lied to me. I was sitting there blaming myself for all these failures.
As I laid there in my bed replaying the day over and over I wondered why God let it get so bad. Then I realized He let this happen because he loved me, God let this hurt happened because it would finally let me, let go of the wrong path. Sometimes God lets hurt happens because he needs us to rely on him.
When God says its time to let someone go, and you refuse to, he will allow the person to hurt you to the point where you have no choice but to let go.
As soon as I realized his Great love for me, I felt this overwhelming comfort, everything was going to be alright and I need to put my faith and life in Gods hands. I was healing and moving on fast.
I prayed for direction, and in Gods perfect timing to yolk me with someone who has the same values.
Being A Christian is hard, because we are constantly being attacked by the devil and his demons, we are now a open target to destroy. The devil attacks us with fear, guilt, pain, and much more so we drift away from God. Often times we think the reason why bad things happen is because we are not walking in a righteous path, but thats not true at all. When we are walking in a righteous path, satan will attempt us and try to bring us down destroy us and bring darkness. When we aren’t walking in the path of the Lord, everything seems to be going right because the devil has us right where he needs us, away from God, and not needing the Lord.
Pain happens because we need God.